The Last Will and Testament of the Human Race

The Last Will and Testament of the Human Race

Take note that this is the last testament of the human race, dated 15.11.76339742 UGD, given freely and without coercion by our appointed leaders under galactic law DK1-MBP-159Ka.

We, the last remaining representatives of the human race, having been certified Category J sentient and therefore sane enough to express a preference for the disposal of our remaining material worlds and possessions, hereby bequeathing our assets as follows:

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars and their satellites, and the asteroid belt extending beyond Mars towards Jupiter: we transmit these properties to the Martians. We are sorry that we did not recognize your life forms as sentient beings until we rendered your homeworld almost completely uninhabitable. While that’s no excuse, we were only looking for oxygen-breathing carbon-based lifeforms. We were wrong. We wish you and your planet a strong recovery (or indeed, any recovery) and hope that in time you can evolve as guardians of the inner planets, with a more responsible attitude than us. They are more beautiful than we thought; when we realized it was too late for us.

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and their accompanying satellites: These were previously sold to Helium-3 Cold Fusion Corporation to fund the military expansion of our Glorious Human Empire. Well, you know the outcome there. How could we have been so arrogant to think that the Galaxy would not intervene when we began to conquer our neighbors’ systems under the guise of our own security? These assets are naturally outside the scope of this will.

Pluto, Planet X and satellites: unfortunately the property was recently lost when the undersigned fell victim to the diplomatic scam of Zeta Leporis. There was no money waiting for us in the account of a deceased ambassador. With that, our last chance to impose our will on any part of this Galaxy is gone. On reflection, that’s not a bad thing.

Outer Solar System Objects (Kuiper Belt Objects) and Miscellaneous Far Solar System Items (Oort Cloud Objects, Comets, etc.): We grant full ownership, and all rights to use, theme parks and associated experiences (aptly known as the 9,347th Wonder of the Modern Galaxy), in perpetuity to the Intergalactic Entertainment Corporation in exchange for delivery of 5,000 copies of the latest von Neumann specification with each galactic rotation. These are to be used for the sole purpose of guarding the borders of the inner solar system and neutralizing unwanted intruders. May those who remain in this system live in peace, as we should have done ourselves.

Sol: The star that gave us life is to be held in a mandatory perpetuity charitable trust for the benefit of all remaining occupants of the solar system.

Note: It is an express condition of this will that all of our beneficiaries must agree to actively care for all remaining dogs, cats, elephants and tardigrades, wherever and whenever they encounter them – it was not their fault.

The rest of our assets outside the solar system (mostly galactic bitcredits and remotely traded non-fungible tokens) are to be sold and the proceeds used to fund a charitable foundation dedicated to supporting newly detected sentient races and guiding them to through this difficult first 100 million years after their discovery by higher species. The main objective of this foundation is to ensure that all these races receive copies of the latest edition of The Galactic Induction Handbook, a guide that we ourselves would have found invaluable. We would have liked to see a copy of it before naively launching into the wider galactic society; things would have turned out very differently for us.


Emperor Karg 243rd (retired)

Species: Human

Address: Epsilon Eridani Home for the Imminent Extinct Races of the Five Thousand Galaxies

Occupation: Formerly Supreme Overlord of the Almighty and All-Conquering Human Empire

witness of

Witness 1: P@4374www9, informally known as ‘Pat’

Species: Level 25 AI, Biped Sensicare Model C9P6e

Address: Epsilon Eridani Home for the Imminent Extinct Races of the Five Thousand Galaxies

Occupation: Primary caregiver for sensitive little ones breathing low-risk oxygen

Witness 2: RB367142ca34b, informally known as ‘Robbie’

Species: 32nd level AI, running on QuantumCorp ExaComp™ cloud computing facility

Address: AAA Wills and Probate Services, Box 83A-765-4319J, Andromeda Galaxy

Occupation: Junior lawyer

To note

Archived at the Archives of Miscellaneous Minor Documents, 61 Cygni. Rediscovered in GY97,348,422.107.43.22

Research note: Based on the archaic system coordinates for the time and location specified in the paper, it has been determined that the aforementioned star (“Sol”) has gone nova c. 3.7 billion years ago. This event destroyed the planetary system described here. A cloud of debris remains in orbit around the remaining white dwarf. New planets appear to be forming, potentially suitable for development and use by DC3A races. Other than this document, nothing else is known about the so-called “human race”, or their leader, Emperor Karg 243rd (or indeed, any of their leaders).


Grax — See above: I think we can kill here… No one claimed this neighborhood! Take a look and see how much it would cost to spruce up. Nothing out of the ordinary, just sweeping debris, stabilizing new planetary orbits and I can think of at least 10 races we could market this to as a quiet vacation spot. Don’t forget to scan for any remaining von Neumann probes – we don’t want a repeat of the Orion disaster!



The story behind the story

Mark Vandersluis reveals the inspiration behind The Last Will and Testament of the Human Race.

I wrote this story shortly after attending a relative’s funeral, the title of which came to mind that evening. I wanted to think about what it means to be ‘remembered’ after we’ve ‘gone’. Whether it is the disappearance of individuals, families, businesses, ethnic groups, nations or even the entire human race, we are unlikely to be remembered for the reasons we could wish or expect, if we are ever remembered. There are examples of ancient civilizations here on Earth for which we have uncovered little or no written records, so I wondered what it would be like for the entire human race to be chronicled by a single remaining record – a record that does not show us in a flattering light.

In these current troubled times, I also wanted to highlight the view that, as a race, we tend not to learn from history.

This story is set in the distant future, showing our downcast race facing impending extinction through the voice of the last leader of the last humans and in the form of a testament. The Will’s tale reflects the many mistakes we humans have made along the way, noting the regrets and lessons learned too late for ourselves.

I also wanted to consider the possibility that “human nature” and “alien nature” are actually quite similar. So we have a glimpse of the five thousand technologically advanced galaxies, a loose geographical alliance of many extraterrestrial races in our corner of the local galactic supercluster, and we see that other races could be just as susceptible to questionable motives, weaknesses and bad judgments. exhibited regularly here on Earth. Incidentally, the table of contents of The Galactic Induction Handbookwhich is mentioned in this story, has been published elsewhere and develops this theme.

Of course, in the end, the laws of physics dictate that our Sun and our planetary system will disappear, so billions of years into the future, there really won’t be much left to remember us… and so will all other extraterrestrials. race there. As the popular saying of the Five Thousand Galaxies goes: “From (supernova) ash to (supernova) ash, from (star)dust to (star)dust”.

#Testament #Human #Race

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